Women Undermining Women at Work: The Dark Side of Women’s Leadership

Having just returned from the Women’s Forum Global Meeting in Deauville, France, which had the distinct vibe that real change is in the air, I barely had time to bask in the glow when I came across a somewhat unsettling article by Michelle Villalobos, ”Why Women Play Dirty: How Women are Biologically and Socially Programmed to Undermine Each Other At Work.” So much for my brush with optimism.

In this “special report,” the author posits that women are innately programmed to be jealous and envious of one another. Why? Because once-upon-a-time women had to be fiercely territorial about their mates as a means of survival. OK, but let’s fast forward a few thousand years, and the question becomes, “Is female back-stabbing on the rise in today’s workplace?” I do recall a piece in the New York Times last year about women bullying women at work, but surely that behavior isn’t the norm, right?

Since my entire professional life is dedicated to celebrating successful women and leadership, I was more than a little concerned.

Villalobos theorizes that because of the differences in the way men and women are socialized (men are encouraged to openly and aggressively compete while most women are not), women have become particularly adept at certain indirect forms of aggression–behaviors like ostracizing and stigmatizing, or more bluntly stated, ignoring and excluding others and gossiping. I had to knit my brows in a moment of self-reflection–I have been known to engage in the occasional “silent treatment”–does that count?

We all know that in the end, there is no victory in sabotaging others. Years ago, while working at Citibank, I had a female boss who was an equal-opportunity gossip. She would take turns gossiping to – and about – all of her subordinates; no one escaped her destructive yet strangely egalitarian sabotage. Looking back, I think her goal was to foster a sense of competition among us, no matter the cost. Having lived through that, I would strongly urge that if you find yourself in a zero-sum game environment, run as fast as you can. The best results are produced when there is collaboration, communication and genuine teamwork. The dog-eat-dog scenario may appear successful for awhile, but emotional distress is always the victor.

That said, here are a few of the many tips Villalobos offers to women looking to protect themselves from the would-be dark side:

(1) Consider your appearance. You may be sending out unintended signals with the way you dress to incite rivalry.

(2) Don’t overshare. It increases the risk that your shared confidences will be betrayed.

(3) Skip the gossip. Yes, it’s oh-so-tempting. But let’s face it, today you’re on the inside, tomorrow you’re the target! Buyer beware.